The Turn Around

This story should start in the middle with a very Israeli cashier at superpharm, but more on that later. We're all familiar with the well known children's story "The Little Engine that Could" of "I think I can" fame. That was not me this morning, or many mornings, or many days, weeks, months or years. I am forcing myself to say, Baruch Hashem that is my life. My life with its potpourri of difficulties and blessings.
Back to this morning. I dragged myself out of bed around 8ish wondering if maybe today I would be somewhat productive and contributing member of society. I washed nagel vasser (morning ritual hand washing with a cup for observant Jews) and padded into my sons room. That sunny little face is seriously a ray of all that is good and right and the world. Then come some less pleasant parts of my morning, we all have them. And finally we're all dressed and breakfasted and a student that my husband and I co-tutor for Bagrut (Israeli regents) came and went. And I felt like the worst garbage in the whole world, a deep sadness, worthlessness and failure.
So I headed out the the Malcha Mall in Jerusalem. We were both in desperate need of an outing and human contact. Our first stop was Superpharm which brings me back to the beginning.  I wanted to purchase a certain cosmetic item which I heard was on sale (it's fruitless to say don't tell my husband because he reads my blog). I was waiting in line with the cosmetic and my baby in one hand and pushing my stroller with the other hand. I wasn't sure how long I would be waiting in line as the cashier stepped away to help an older woman with sunglasses and the rest of Israel doesn't believe in lines. When the cashier returned I stepped up to pay smiling. She asked me in Hebrew what was so funny. So I replied the first thing that popped into my head, "everything with babies is stressful" to which my perfectly timed tot gave his most charming and ravishing smile. The cashier proceeded to tell me what a bracha (blessing) my little guy was and to talk nicely to me and give me blessings and on and on. She offered me water because it was so hot.
Did I really mean that my baby is stressful? Well aren't all of our children sometimes? The truth is I was smiling because it was better than crying and to use Brit speak I felt "rubbish". This cashier without realizing it made me feel good and like a worthy human being again. I went on to have some nice play time with my baby in the mall play area, have some broken Hebrew conversations with the other mommies and even survived my little routine screaming fit on the busride home. Thank you nice cashier lady the Malcha Mall Superpharm and sorry if any of you actually read this megilla (Yiddish for epic novel).